Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
