The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
