Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
