yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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