i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
