Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize