you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize