Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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