Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
