Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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