take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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