just come out here and I will go home with you...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
