You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
