Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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