he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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