drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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