I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize