oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
