I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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