Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
