You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
there's paper in my vomit.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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