So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
