I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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