just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Less talking, more tequila
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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