why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
