I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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