i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
