party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
