"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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