yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i barfeds in our rink
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I supernannyed him into submission
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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