Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize