yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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