he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
