he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
