My nipple is on Facebook.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
