he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
