she woke up with a sticky ear
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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