The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Found the puke drawer
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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