Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
