Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Someone signed my nipple.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
