My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize