so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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