I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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