hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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