he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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