I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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