All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
