i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
