These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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