oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
