so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
