She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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