my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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