If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You need Xanax blowdarts
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
