I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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