how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
