Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
