i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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