I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
