I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
