I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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