apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
is it fun? or sober?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
