mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
