do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
