I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
