No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
They took my balls.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
