So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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