My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
